You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
My breasts were aching with rage.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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