every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
