so that wasnt chicken after all
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
