So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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