You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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