I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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