break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
