were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
