my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
babies were throwing up all over the place
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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