You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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