we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
