Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
