i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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