watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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