I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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