My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Couch. On fire.
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