The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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