booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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