She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Randomize
