Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
