HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
