They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
