Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
