I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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