I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
