My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
