his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
