Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
