I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
