i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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