Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Randomize
