So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
