Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I came so hard my ears popped.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
