Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
