i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
