Welp...herpes.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
