Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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