How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
