I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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