Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
