yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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