Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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