you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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