foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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