from now on my penis is your penis
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
