We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
