I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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