Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
