I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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