My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize
