I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
