just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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