i permit you to call me
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Randomize
